A friend whom I have known since junior college days. came to visit my father with his wife and two sons. It was a good time renewing old ties and updating each other with the new ones in our lives.
My friend’s wife, bless her sensitive soul, asked me privately how I was in these three years. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and shook my head. Her quiet question was “You can’t let him go, is it?”
Yes, I can’t let go easily.
I cling on to things and people far too tightly.
Another friend has repeatedly advised me to relax my grip. He is exasperated. “Pray. Why won’t you just let go?”
Let go of what I have all these 49 years – let my parent go on his way and leave me alone? No way. Such long-term attachment doesn’t disappear in a flash.
Come on, give me a break. I mourned for my late grandmother for almost ten years. It is only recently this year that I did not cry at her death anniversary.
Suffer another decade of sadness?
It is unfair. I am afraid of being left behind.
But I am reasonable, I will let my father go because my father needs to be able to walk again. I believe my father will be whole again when he joins our God in Heaven. For the sake of a better life in eternity, Papa, please go and be wholesome again.
New nature to come
When I was a young believer, I came across an analogy on religious conversion in a book about Christian beliefs. That analogy makes sense to me. In the book, the change in beliefs is likened to the dying of an acorn seed and how the old seed must “let go” of its former state before it grows to a new creature. I have only seen acorns in picture books.
But I have germinated green beans locally. Indeed the old seed leaf lies shrivelled and later drops off as the new parts of the plant continue to develop.
Saddest thing in life
A line in one orbituary (the Straits Times of 25 May 2013) caught my eye.
The quote was :
“…the saddest thing in life is not failing itself, but the failure to try. We have only one life to live, and if we don’t try it in this lifetime, then when?”
I do not interpret the quote as an excuse to try all things. Some things are foolish and are to be avoided. I think the departed family member had probably lived his life with great passion, and courageously pursued his dreams and he was remembered for brightening lives with his unfailing love, humour and optimism. Isn’t such an eulogy gratifying? How many of us will be remembered for our legacy?
The visit of my friend and his family drew to a close. They asked me what I needed.
Thank you. I have had all I needed. God has provided.
And I will learn to let go and grow anew too.
