Learned optimism

 

In the book “How children succeed” by Peter Tough, he mentioned a researcher by the name of Martin Seligman.  Seligman is one of the main scholars behind the school of thought known as positive psychology, and the book originally published in 1991, is the movement’s founding text, teaching that optimism is a learnable skill, not an inborn trait.

Pessimistic adults and children can train to be more helpful.  Seligman says, and if they do, they will likely become happier, healthier and successful.

In learned optimism, Seligman wrote that most people, depression was not an illness, but simply a “severe low mood” that occurred “when we harbour pessimistic beliefs about the causes of our setbacks.”  If you want to avoid depression and improve your life, Seligman counselled, you need to refashion your explanatory style” to create a better story about why good and bad things happen to you.

Pessimists, Seligman wrote, tend to react to negative events by explaining them as permanent, personal and pervasive. E.g. of the 3Ps – Failed a test? It’s not because you didn’t prepare well; it’s because you are stupid.  If you are turned down for a date, there’s no point in asking someone else, because you are simply unlovable.    

Optimists, by contrast, look for specific, limited, short term explanations for bad events and as a result, in the face of a setback, they are more likely to pick themselves up and try again.

How can we help our children succeed?

I am enjoying this book now.  By Peter Tough – “How children succeed with grit, curiosity and the hidden power of character”.  In his book, Mr Tough related studies that support the teaching of character education to help pupils succeed in schools.  These ideas resonated on how best to educate our children for their future.

In the past 20 years, I have seen many pupils succeed and some pupils fail.  Though… “Fail” is a taboo word in recent years… substitute term … “Did not do so well”.  Some of the successful pupils were those who took pains with their studies, persevered in the hard times in their lives; had brave hearts and despite their own problems, had the compassion and willingness to help others.  I have also  successful pupils who had much resources at their beck and call.  They had breezed their way through their examinations with much pampering in their lives, got away with minimum work done in school and were ill-behaved and selfish.  I am glad that these pupils graduated and got out of my school.

There is a lot of anxiety among parents nowadays.  All of them want their children to do well in school.  However, parents with healthy children at least - most of them had only a narrow definition of success in the school – their children must obtain the highest academic score and ratings in their subjects at school.  This is probably a hangover of expectation from my generation and society. 

In my generation, the term “excellence” is defined in terms of number and type of awards. Most rewards given are based on academic merit.  Parents with children of learning disabilities and / or special needs also yearn for the best in their children though they know that their children would never be able to “beat” the present system. 

For example, my student told me that in a recent art competition, candidates in her level were chosen based on their grades - the number of As for their art work. Most of the candidates were from another high ability class, and my student who comes from the low ability class did not stand a chance of being selected.  Such is an example of an unfair yardstick in one school.

In the Straits Times of 15 June 2013, there is an article “Engaged pupils = successful workers” by Fron Jackson-Webb.  The article says that “the children’s interest and engagement in school influence their prospects of educational and occupational success 20 years later, over and above their academic and socioeconomic background.  The more children felt connected to their school community and felt engaged, rather than bored, the greater their likelihood of achieving higher educational qualification and going on to a professional or management career say the researchers at Menzies Research Institute in Tasmania, Australia”. 

Immediately to our parents’ minds would be the notion of doing well in academic studies.   No, the researchers are saying something else.  “The study reinforced the importance of school curricula to promote active, rather than passive learning styles that engage both the mind and body, and involve humour, music and movement.  It is important to recognise that the patterns of engagement begin very early, much earlier than formal schooling,  The notion that a school should be about sports, music, drama – not only numeracy and literacy, is important.  The students enjoy it, they like being there… the link between educational and occupational outcomes also extended to better health outcomes and well-being later in life.”     

So what research says reinforces what we know all along.  Doing well in early school affects one’s adult life.  It is just that, what does “doing well” refer to?

Finally I know what I went through :)

 

Finally, Dr Noel Chia Kok Hwee helped me to be clearer about my depression and my learning process. 

In a letter to Forum Page of 7 June 2013, Dr Chia wrote :

“Caring for a special needs child is a 24/7 job “Mother seen with son before he fell” Monday.  It is stressful for many parents, and even more so, for a single parent, who has to jiggle working to earn enough to support the family and providing care and love for the special-needs child.  This could lead to burnout, commonly known as caregiver stress syndrome.

Signs and symptoms include frequent fatigue, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, headaches, memory loss, hypertension, decreased immunity and a feeling of frustration.

From happiness to helplessness to hopelessness, life can become meaningless or filled with a sense of incoherence that in turn, can become so overwhelming that it can drive the single parent to suffer depression and to harbour suicidal thoughts.

The pain and guilt accompanying such a sense of incoherence can make one stronger or weaker.

Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Emil Frankl termed this strength “tragic optimism”.  This is optimism in the face of tragedy, with the potential to turn painful suffering into an opportunity to better oneself. 

The opposite of tragic optimism is “tragic pessimism”. 

An excellent support system is needed to transform such a senseless, incoherent life into one of coherence, which, according to American medical sociologist Aaron Antonovsky, gives meaning to the life challenges faced by single parents with special-needs children.

Perhaps family service centres and special schools can offer such support services or raise awareness about them, if they are already available, to those who need them most.