Changes

Changes

There would be a lot of changes to our lives at home. Mine and my mother’s. 

When my father was well, he is an independent person who does not like to be at home except morning when he read newspapers.  When he was well, he loved to visit bookshops, arts and crafts shops, pharmacies, Chinatown and catch movies at the Bugis Junction Cinema. I was used to seeing my parents only at around 7 pm when they brought home dinner.  Both of them would watch television till 11 pm and then listen to the radio till midnight.  On the following day, they repeated the same routine.  My parents did not mind the same routine. I did not mind as their habit left me alone to do my office work or pursue my leisure.

In the initial stage of preparation, I consulted my mother.  Both of us were under a lot of pressure.  I did not know that she could not bear the stress until there was a time when she cried and said aloud that she could not manage.  At that time, both of us had to learn how to perform peritoneal dialysis (PD) for my father at the PD Centre, Singapore General Hospital.  My mother claimed that she could not remember.  I insisted that she must, and we spent several week nights revising the PD process.  Mother needed to understand and do the PD as she had to supervise the maid later at home when I was at work. 

After my mother’s cry, I did most of the things on my own. In my opinion, my mother has been dependent on my father for too long a time.  They were childhood friends, grew up and fell in love and got married in October 1963.  Mother and I have diverse different working styles.  I prefer to do things immediately but she likes to wait for action to happen.  She is haphazard with her things and is forgetful (not withstanding her age) but I am detailed and neat. 

Many times in the preparation phase, we had arguments.  I tried my utmost to explain my intention behind the action again and again until my mother agreed to some of the actions to be taken (while all the time, I would be seething inside with impatience).  At times, I would be so tired and just simply wrote on a piece of paper as clearly as I could. Visual representation or a picture was the best way for my mother to understand the flow of how things went.  I did a number of flow charts of the different steps to be taken, complete with consequences.

My mother could not walk for long periods as her legs are arthritic.  She has back pains and could not sit for long periods.  The preparation required a lot of physical work.  Thus, my mother relegated the care of my father to me.  She took upon this attitude – I am not the boss.  I do not decide.  I did not do anything wrong.

Sigh. 

But I was free to decide on what’s the best action using my brains and gut feelings.

 

Preparation work

The following are some areas of work:

·       Clear two rooms – one for my father and one for the maids.  That meant clearing cupboards and shelves, putting the things into bags.  And throwing a lot of junk to make space. Mopping the floor again and again, and cleaning the windows and shelves.  Moving tables and sofa set.  I have learnt my lesson – keep everything neat and tidy – don’t hoard and don’t buy things unnecessarily without checking stock at home.

 

·       Buy beds and toilet accessories for my maids.  I got my maids to help me clear the living room, the kitchen and the store room.  In short, what we could do to make as much space as possible for father’s things.  At the same time, to help me clear rubbish of what we had accumulated.  This was also to occupy my maid before my father returns from hospital.

 

·       Make ramps for the main door and the bathroom.

 

·       Buy a hospital bed and ripple mattress.

 

·       Buy a commode and a wheelchair.  Buy replacements parts such as the bucket and the seat cushion. 

 

·       Buy a steel trolley and medical equipment such as an ivy stand, stethoscope, ear-scan thermometer, blood pressure monitor, suction machine, weighing scale and sugar level monitor. 

 

·       Buy medical supplies include syringes, litmus papers, needles for checking sugar level, syringe needles for injection of insulin, disposable alcohol swaps, potassium permanganate crystals, Dettol disinfectants, Mikoyan anti-fungal cream, TCP, Thyme mouthwash, tooth sponges, Secura moisturiser, Sanyrene for backside, cotton wool, cotton buds, adult diapers, tissue paper, suction catheters, powder for prickly heat, teatree gel, mosquito repellent

 

 

·       Buy Novasource Renal milk and Myotein milk powder

 

·       Buy health supplements such as Manuka Honey (UMF at least 15+ and above), Lactofort, Chicken essence with ginseng / cordiceps

 

·       Order from the Baxter Company who will deliver 20 cartons of PD solutions a month. I am thankful that they are generous with the supplies of iodine swaps, minicaps, gauze, surgical tapes and alcohol wipes, alcohol hand wash and soap hand wash.

 

·       Change of father’s NGT tube; arrange appointment with the homecare nurse.

 

·       Shop for groceries- food for the meals, detergents for keeping the house clean

 

·       During the preparation period, my refrigerator broke down, my stove too and my sinks leaked.  I decided that I would be more proactive.  I asked a plumber, an electrician and a gasman to do the necessary. 

My friend said that I was very “jialat”.  In the Hokkien dialect, it meant that I had a hard time. 

I lost 9 kg in 6 months.  For once in my life, I was slimmer. J