We Reap What We Sow

We reap what we sow

At my workplace, there is a framework for projects and initiatives.  The framework is RADAR, which stands for “Rationale – Approach – Deployment – Action - Review”.

Having been trained in RADAR, I used the framework to help me organise my care of my father.  I turned one of the bedrooms in the house into a mini-ward and the rest of the facilities at home to support it.  This personal project did not depress me.  In fact it brought up the abilities and skills I have picked up through the years.

Someone at my workplace suggested - Just send your father to the nursing home.  Why bring yourself through so much trouble?  I was not angry with my colleague because he meant well.  Caring for a patient at the hospital saps energy; having one at home 24/7 is burdensome. 

In March 2013, the Straits Times reported an interview with a head of a palliative hospital. The good doctor said that there was an indicator which predicted the amount of homecare.  Whether the family was willing to look after their parents in the latter’s autumn years was based on the saying “we reap what we sow”.  When the parents / parent had previously established good relations with the children, the more likely the children were willing to take up responsibility.  He knew of families who had many sons and daughters but they were unwilling to look after the patient.  On the other hand, there were families he knew of, whose children gave up all to look after their parents.

My father is the only father I have.  It is my duty to look after him till the end.

 

Rationale

I have a purpose.  My purpose statement is “The best nursing care at home for Father till his last day”

Unpacking of terms in the purpose statement: 

·       I defined the term “best” as the best level of care that the family can afford such that my father is able to live for as long as he can, comfortably at home. The term “nursing care” comes from the availability of care givers, facilities and resources, including medical supplies and medical advice. 

·       My performance indicator – the deliverables in the physical setup for nursing care; the expertise and the performance of the caregivers.

·       The key performance indicator – how long will my father live with good management of his chronic medical conditions.

As I reflect on the arduous journey, I met many angels.  Most of them are nurses and doctors.  A few are fellow colleagues at my workplace.  They paved the way more smooth, and made things possible for me to bring father from the rehabilitative community hospital back home. 

All in all, my father was at the following places:

2 months from November 2010 to December 2011 at the Changi General Hospital for heart tests and recuperation,

2 months at the Singapore General Hospital for the heart by-pass surgery from January to February 2011,

4 days at the St Andrews Community Hospital before suffering a stroke in early February 2011,

3 months at the Singapore General Hospital – Intensive Care Unit and step down care from early February to April 2011,

4 months at the Ang Mo Kio Thye Kwan Moral Hospital from May to July 2011 before going

Home from July 2011 till now, in 2013.

Although my father is stationed at home, he has a number of hospital admissions ranging from 4 days (skin infection) to 14 days (fluid overload and lung infection).  I became familiar faces to private ambulance medics and ward nurses.

 

Approach

I tried to be focused in my handling of the matters concerning my father’s care.  The period of time (about 11 months) when my father was at the hospital, I spent a lot of time thinking through the things to do and the order of things to be done.  Time was a necessity when only one individual is there to handle the matters. It was a long task preparing for Father’s return but it was achievable with the help if luck and resourcefulness.  Yes, with a lot more resourcefulness.    

One guideline is: No crying until the required task / work is done.  If there are people who are not willing to help me out, I would rather leave them out as I felt that there is no need for time and energy wasted on persuasion.  If one does not have the heart initiative for the task, there is no need for further persuasion.  In other words, I was seeking for a common vision among the stakeholders.  My fierce independent and stubborn “lembu” (workhorse) spirit prop me up.

The next guideline is: Be ultra-organised.  No detail is too small is to be left out.  Check and double-check until I am very sure of it myself.  I was trained in keeping records and setting up a registry.  I took a personal interest in knowing how the machine works or how the room arrangement will look like. I also had to anticipate problems would come up.  When it came to machines – it was maintenance and how to use it.  When it came to teaching my foreign domestic workers, I chose to set a personal hands-on example.

The third guideline is: Be honest in my relationships to others. Lip service is cheap; prove what is said with action.  Appreciate others who helped me.

The fourth guideline I followed and this is the most important to me: Pray to God for His Grace and Strength.